I'm holding back
What I like about you is your smile, which brightens my day and night.
The funny side of you which you don't realize is the reason I always smile.
The response that took long for me to receive that made me longing for it.
The love for your family that makes me wonder what's more to it.
The more the reason now I wonder,
Who makes you smile even when you refuse to smile?
Who makes you laugh when you want to cry?
Who reminds you that you have someone to count on when in trouble?
Who breaks in you when you close yourself to the world?
Who you think of when you're all alone? (Do you think of me too?)
The truth is I want to be selfish because I am selfish.
I want to declare this feeling to you because I know it's true.
But a part of me is scared of being the reason to break your smile.
That's why I'm holding back, and will hold back as much as I can.
*if i can stop holding back, would you allow me?*
"The night fell at11:56 PM"
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There is no fault when it comes to standing against challenges with courage. However, a very few have the courage to sheathe their courage once it's out. Fear is not evil. It tells you what your weakness is. And once you know its weakness, you can become stronger as well as kinder. It's necessary in order become successful.
-Just Ichan
"The night fell at10:10 PM"
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I'm at the point where you are right in front of me..but can never reach you no matter how far I stretch my arms..
No wonder I'm a dreamer...
"The night fell at2:59 AM"
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Starry Starry Dreams
I look up at the sky, up at its countless stars
Like dreams that are scattered yet close at each other
They shine ever so bright in their light
As they open the door for tomorrow
Sunshine lights up the room through the open window
The wind wipes away my tears, my days of old sorrow
The loneliness kept me searching for the stars I couldn't see
They were right under my feet, forever hidden
I look closely at the world, along with is countless dreams
Countless wishes, all seeking out to be granted
They shine brighter than the stars at night
The dreams are the twinkle of starry nights
*And so I walk towards the future..*
"The night fell at1:29 PM"
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Keep Going
We live like Icarus, having lost our innocent bravery
Those days and their overflowing questions, hold them tight
You find yourself in a maze searching for answers
Realize the answer is here, and everything becomes clear
Face into the breeze and hope will be there, believe that
Even if life is still hard, full of sufferings
Your tears will dry and eventually disappear
Along with worries and fears, all will be sheer
It may seem far away but for now, a smile is enough
Run and out of breath, you get through the storm
You'll find yourself still not at the end
But you know, it will be alright.
"The night fell at4:06 PM"
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Seeing Love
There was a time when our hearts felt one another
Who are you thinking about right now?
I saw your sad profile through the window
You were so close, yet so far
I was such a coward back then
I kept making excuses and running from the past
Seeing the love in your eyes
I opened the door and go to you
Now I know I can face my weakness
I want to tell you the feelings burning inside of me
In our carefree world,
you feel my hands and smile
And when I hear your voice,
my love for you grow stronger
"The night fell at1:51 PM"
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“The Girl’s Journal”
Emichan’s Version
Based on true journal
“I am only one, But still I am one…
I cannot do everything, but still I can do something…
And because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do…”
-Edward EverettAshley is a student of University of Florida, known as the top party school in the States. This party is different from what Filipinos experience; and I don’t want the pleasure of elaborating it. She hates Christian; she hates God. She lives in an apartment with her boyfriend. She was in her senior year when one day she felt sick and went home and caught her boyfriend sleeping with another girl; of course she was devastated. She broke up with him, kicks him out of the apartment and posts an ad at school about needing a new roommate.
A girl named Christa found it and later on became Ashley’s roommate. Christa is a Christian (too bad for Ashley…well is it?) and has a broken family. Christa shared her passion conference experience with 25,000 youth singing and worshiping God. She told Ashley that it was the best thing that happened to her. Well Ashley didn’t care and called her fruitcake (it means Eccentric or impractical).
It was her last year in college and she wants to party all out. She forgives her boyfriend but later found out that he’s still cheating her so they broke up again. She cried and cried thinking how can she love him so much at the same time hate him, she should only hate him. Christa came and asked her if she’s okay.
“Well hell no! I’m not okay!” said Ashley.
Christa stayed and listened. She didn’t tell her bible stuffs like her mother always does instead she sympathized and felt sorry for her. She was surprised and thought to herself, no one wants to be her friend without needing anything. The one who only accepted her is her little brother, adding up Christa. Ashley was thinking she doesn’t go to parties and doesn’t do anything wrong. So she asked Christa how she can live her life like that. She just answered, it’s because of God. She laughed but Christa was serious.
Christa shared her love life, that she will be married virgin. Ashley was surprised and asked her how that is possible? Every time Ashley would have a boyfriend, their span of relationship doesn’t last for more than 3 weeks. She answered; she has a personal relationship with God. God provides all the love she needs. Ashley was awed and told her that she is perfect. Christa just smile and told her that she is not perfect in any angle.
Still Ashley wasn’t convinced. She believes that God is not for people like her; God is not for worthless people. She asked Christa, how much is God going to punish her for her wrong doings. Christa answered:
“God is not like that at all. God is all about love. He doesn’t count or care how much you’ve sinned, and that’s why he died for us”
Christa continued sharing about God and for the first time she learned something that makes sense, God is everywhere! And we don’t have to do many good things to be in heaven. Just ask God to change us, and He will. No matter how bad we can be, but if you asked Jesus to guide you, He will. All we have to do is ASK. Ashley could hardly breathe after listening, it was like her lungs and heart was pierced many times. She realized she wanted to be a Christian, and from there she became a true Christian. She was so relieved and felt that everything is going to be okay.
When she came home, she changed the way she moves, the way she treats her mom, and her antichrist attitude. Her mom cried and so does her little brother. When she opened her email, many of her friends was so happy that she changed. She never felt this accepted in all her life. One day, Christa invited her to a worship meeting, and everyone there were friendly and accepted her. There was this part where they sang, she doesn’t know the songs but its cool (^^,). There’s one song she wanted but she doesn’t know the title. She cried hearing that song and she wanted to raise her hand like the others are doing but she didn’t. As soon as she got home, she searched for the song. The song was titled:
“MIGHTY TO SAVE”
Everyone needs compassion,
Love that’s never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Savior;
The Hope of nations.
Savior, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.
So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender (I surrender)
Savior, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)
Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We’re singing for the glory of the risen King…Jesus (x2)
Savior, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave. (x2)
Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We’re singing for the glory of the risen King…Jesus. (x4)A month before her graduation, her dad bought her a BMW. After that, she has plans to a family reunion at a café. Through the pages of Ashley’s journal and jumped to a couple of pages near the end where Ashley was very excited for her graduation. But there were empty pages afterward. No words were written about her graduation…On her way to the café, she had a car accident. She had an internal bleeding. Everybody prayed for her but in the end she died.
Ashley died in a car accident at the age of 22, but her story and God’s love that changed her life for 3 months is now being known all around the world. It took a “fruitcake” for Ashley to know about this love and grace.
It was amazing that Ashley’s story wasn’t about her alone; it was God’s work in her life. This story have inspired me to be like Fruitcake (Christa) who never gave up on Ashley and never thought of herself highly and better than others. Christa wasn’t perfect, but she tried to live out her faith and let Ashley see Jesus’ love in her life…
“Now who wants a fruitcake? The world needs one….
Let it be me and you.”
“Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
-Saint Francis of Assisi
"The night fell at12:52 AM"
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Watching Ourselves Without Notice
Slowly glancing at your back
As you walk along with the crowd
Strangers endowed the absence of color
While you glow in brilliant dye
When will you notice the person at your back
Continuously watching you from afar
Pushed away by the populace
My sight for you starts to haze
Losing hope and fear of losing sight
I decided to glance away and never look back
I laugh to myself wistfully
Disgracing myself without hesitation
All reside naturally in my eyes
Those illusions that I believe would reach you
Slowly you glanced at my back without my notice
You started to watch forever from afar
(Never look back…never look back)
"The night fell at12:43 AM"
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Waiting to be
the world has gotten smaller,
while time has moved slower
i can't imagine how or why,
ever since i saw your smile
each and everyday i think of you,
how you look in every view
every move you make, every words you say
the reason i could say, "you really make my day"
and now i wonder if you think of me,
the way i look and smile each time we meet
how you think of me when you're gone at home,
will you ever do, especially when you're all alone?
all the care, love, and moments that we shared,
"i love you", these words in my heart are engraved
you are the gift that God has given me,
for i know that you are the true love i'm waiting to be..
"The night fell at12:42 AM"
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True Love Waits
Haiku:
Slowly, I was chained
Found guilty for loving you
Forsaken by love
What is this I feel, profound and upsetting?
Can a boy like me bear this sentiment?
What I realize is what I anticipated…
Yet I felt unexpectedly unabled
Haiku:
Drift and washed away
Feelings restrained in a cage
Torn apart by waves
Should I throw away the key for me not to love again?
Or should I give it to someone else for him to grave?
I am a fool who loved but never was loved
I have no pride as a man, or was I a man
Haiku:
It’s time to end it
Be not a fool just for her
I was never yours
Gradually the chains set me free from this sentiment
I felt hallow yet I know someday it will be filled
I just hope time befalls when someone does
I’ll be forever true, waiting for you..
"The night fell at12:40 AM"
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